Thursday, April 30, 2009

Who are We?

This question has been on my mind the last few months.. Who are we? Not, necessarily who are we, but, who am I. The obvious answer, much like an equation, would state that I am the sum of my combined actions. No lies, that is what I am to the world. A grouping of events, actions, reactions, successes, failures and so on, but is that who I am? In my mind I am a very different person, but my actions on which I am judged have created "THIS" person. For most people I suppose life is the dichotomy of duality, balancing who you want to be or who you think you are Vs. who you are.

Who I am scares me. Who I think I am does not, and I guess that is how I get through the day. I shudder at the thought of honestly profiling myself. I hear it in my head but to put it down in words would be earth shattering to my ego. Thinking about my profile, honestly, gives me the willy's. Pot head, sex fiend, escapist and that's not even really thinking about it, that's off the top of my head.

In my mind's eye, I might be delusional but I have a clearer more positive vision of who I am. My residual self image of myself is the person inside, but how is that relevant in the real world. In my mind, I am a healthy, free thinker, that works out everyday. I am confident in my creativity and my innovation and push forth into the fight with theses things in mind. I am a writer, with prolific ideas and stories and work diligently at my craft. I am a leader and well loved, responsible and calm. I am the guy that wants to take the shot, call the play, take the heat for a bad decision and revel in the glory of victory. I am the person people look at and say "what is he doing, maybe we should do that." I am the most interesting man on the planet, I don't normally drink beer but when I do, BL with lime. Apparently, I also think I am hysterical and if your not laughing with me your just to dumb to get it, at least that is what I think.

I am not my mind's eye. Although, I can be I have discovered. It's not easy but it sure sounds like it. The key I believe is a short memory. In sports the great players forget about their mistakes and move on to the next moment. If they miss 10 shots in a row, the don't remember, all they think is that they are going to make the next one. They move on, they release the habit and pattern of defeat and do not let it become ingrained programming. Fear is not an option and they rely on who they think they are, and therefore, they are.

I have been pondering the notion of becoming me, and what the steps would be to become my image of me. I find the simplest answer is usually the solution to most problems. It is the incessant thinking and reevaluation of the question that screws with most people. Who do you want to be? The answer to this question is easy, the solution easier. It's all about your mindset, your discipline, your focus and like any great achiever your ability to drown out the outside world and concentrate on what you know is right, for you, unrelenting, uncompromising determination of what you want and know.

You are who you are, at this moment, right now. If you want to be healthy, be healthy, RIGHT NOW! If you are a writer, than write, RIGHT NOW! If you are a physicist than physic, right now. If you are doing it, in this moment, than that's who you are. Don't let anyone tell you that you are not because that is not who you were yesterday. Change is difficult for everyone, it doesn't help when people who will inevitably not accept this, continue to be in your ear. Drown them out, like a heckler at a sporting event or performance, If you want to be great, part of purging the past is releasing peoples thoughts of you. You must escape from your pigeon hole because it does not exist. Do not allow people to tell you what you have done, if that is not who you are anymore. It's these people that will not allow you to be who you are, they are used to you THIS WAY, and you force them to change if you do not play into their preconception of the old you.

If you want to be a writer, WRITE NOW! If you want to be a senator, START NOW! If you want to be a chumscrubber start scrubbin that chum, RIGHT NOW! Fate is what you make (Terminator) so make it what you want. The future is not set, you do not have to be the sum of your life parts at this moment, you can begin a new equation and add the variables you deem fit.

I am writer, who is healthy, I work out everyday, I work hard at my job and yet remained focused on my career. I am good husband, son, and boss. I know what is right and have confidence in my ideas and positions. Where I am at is not where I will be and nothing anybody can say to me will change that. You are what you are at this moment, if that is what you want to be. I don't care who you were yesterday, if that is not what you believe you are today. Believe in today, this moment, who are you, right now? If you like it, than be it!

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Ask God

Dear God,

I was wondering why you created so much disease in the world?

And here are the top twenty answers from the big guy upstairs in no particular order.

20. Wha' Happin'?
19. I left the fridge door open to long, my bad.
18. Have you ever seen an ant under a magnifying glass?
17. I like the different colors.
16. People do not worship me enough, so I thought I would let them know how that totally hurts my feelings.
15. I'm a prick
14. I work in mysterious ways, just do what I say!
13. If you sin, it's my job to judge, I gave you a choice but now you must pay the piper.
12. Wha' Happin'?
11. I like to watch pain and suffering because inside I hurt.
10. I don't know, it's just something I can do, so I do it
9. It's just God being God.
8. I need all those people to staff my new P.F. CHANGS in Heaven
7. I get mad experience points and discounts at Walmart the more people I get sick.
6. I own stock in most of the pharmaceutical companies.
5. I need sacrifice to appease my insatiable appetite to teach people lessons.
4. It's just very Christian of me ya know.
3. I was bored
2. It was Jesus's idea
1. The Devil made me do it

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Are You Dumb, If You Are Not Rich?

This is a statement I hear thrown around way more than it should be. You are dumb, because you are not rich, or on a smaller level, not doing something mind blowing. Maybe I am dumb, but I do not find that to be the case. I find that intelligence is not the driving force behind success, although I am sure, most succesful people would argue this statement. I find it offensive to think that I am stupid because I cannot afford to drive a Ferrari, or I am retarded because I do not have enough money to make it rain.

Many great and intelligent people did not find their way until their later years. I would have loved to listen to the maroon tell a young Einstien he was a fool because he was not rich. The close minded lop, that shared his dissapiontement in Eckhart Tolle, when he was not living up to the ideals of what a rich mind finds genius.

What I have come to observe is that there are several other greater determinates of "Rich Success" than intelligence. They would be ambition, financial back-up, timing, and balls for lack of better term, and not necessarily intelligence. Don't get me wrong, I have met some super smart rich dudes, but I have also met some rich goofs. If being intelligent was a pre-requisite to wealth there would be no rich goofs, but that is far from the case. I would never think of myself as dumb because I don't have money or indite anyone with that charge, it seems to me, (granted a poor dumb ass) that intelligence and wealth are far from needing each other to exist.

Maybe, it's today's society or the crowd I hang with, but I find the theory of intelligence equals financial overflow to be, how do you say, ridiculous. Ambition, seems to be the biggest factor in the success of an individual, how badly a person wants something seems to be the driving force in if they will be a success in what they are focused on. Drive and ambition have nothing to do with intellect or maybe they do and again, I am not smart enough to link them together.

Secondly, financial back-up seems to be another determining factor in how succesful or rich an individual is. Don't take this out of context, there are many success stories like Oprah, President Obama, J.K. Rowling but more than not, the stories start with rich families. Donald Trump, George Stienbrenner, Drew Barrymore, George W. Bush, the list would go on forever of rich people with rich families. Is Paris Hilton a genius because Grandpa was rich, I don't think so, but she is rich, so she must be smarter than me, poppycock! That word is funny.

Timing is everything, many fortunes were made because a person was at the right place at the right time. Some rich dude called one of his friends because some other rich dude told him something was going to happen, (that poor people would never be privy to) so that rich dude makes it happen and then he is more rich or richer, I guess. Sometimes it backfires, Martha Stewart, but more than not it doesn't. The Rich keep the Wealthy safe with insider information. Beyond that, you happen to drill in the ground and out bubbles up some black gold, Texas tea, if you no what I am saying. Some doof had a smart friend and he jumped aboard for the ride at the perfect moment, and boom! Rich. Nice Timing.

Which brings me to my final point, balls, this seems to be a huge determinate if people become rich. If a person is willing to take a chance, risk it all for the money, there is a greater likelyhood of wealth. Again, I do not believe this to be any indication of intelligence but rather an indication of cofidence and chance. Somebody willing to test something on themselves, pull all their money out of the ATM and betting it on black, stealing the secret recipe and creating new Pepsi. Not exactly smart, risky but not bright. And when they do hit the jackpot, does that automatically make them Stephan Hawking, I do not know, but I don't think so.

Those important factors determine wether or not a person is rich and finacially successful much more than raw mind power. I think there are a lot of smart rich people, but I do not think money or wealth will help them conceptualize Quantum Theory, paint a masterpiece, write that amazing opus or find the cure for cancer. I think those are intelligence based endevours and not the quest for money, but again, just a poor dumb guys thoughts, take them with a grain of salt.

Fake It Till You Make It!

March 03, 2009
Pisces (2/19-3/20)
Sometimes, it can be very helpful to live in an illusion -- to keep yourself so distracted by daydreams and fanciful wishes that you don't have to deal with unpleasant thoughts. So if you are having troubling thoughts, it might be okay today to just pretend everything is just fine. Think good thoughts and if there are uncertain situations, just pretend that you know the outcome for certain -- and the outcome is good. Fake it until you make it, because you will make it eventually. Have hope!

Horoscopes are crazy!

Most of the time this is my Mantra for a good day.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Hurt Feelings

Gentlemen, I know what you are speaking. I have been told my butt is to big and asked if my hair is a wig. I've got hurt feelings!

Baby Making and Lost?

No posts for a while, I have been just marinating in my own juices for a little bit. Certain revelations in my family have pushed new motivations to the forefront. It's time to make a baby, not that we haven't been trying to make a baby for some time, but I don't know if I was fully on board until about a week ago. We got some news from friends and it really pushed the issue front and center. I have spent the good portion of my life not wanting the little buggers, but now all of a sudden it hit me, what if I can't? Which then, pissed me off, don't tell me what I can't do! It feels like lately I am getting the, you can't do this vibe from the world. Potentially it's making my eye twitch and my stomach churn, but, I guess this is what life is.

I am making conscious efforts to try and straighten out physical and mental conditions, so I hope it works. I am going to be 33 shortly and coming in to my Jesus years is making me very introspective about my life, what I have done, what I could do, who I will become now. If anything has become overly evident is that change is inevitable and it's happening all the time. I want to change, who I am, what people think of me, what I think of me. I know people say just do it, but we all know it's not that easy.

I need to make a baby, I need to write my stories, I need to grow up. It's extremely difficult for me to come out of my comfort zone and at times it limits my progression as a human being -- potentially. I have cut back on caffeine, sugar, and indo. I am trying to get my body back into working condition, so I can give us the best chance for a rug rat. Now that I feel like I can't have one, I want one. This is retarded motivation but motivation none the less.

When I get stressed about things, I obsess about minutia to a panic inflicting extent. I have cancer, aids, an undiscovered conjoined twin living in my balls, stopping my sperm production, eventually leading to full amputation of my testicles. Seriously though, this is what will run through my mind when my hard drive is full of nonsense. I know, I can only do what I can do, but time is becoming, of the essence.

I need to calm down, take my vitamins, heal my body, heal my mind and do the things that I fear, because ultimately I feel, that is what's holding me back. Fear of fatherhood, fear of responsibility, fear of success, fear of failure, fear of fear. Sad and pathetic but I probably am not the only one with ridiculous fears.

I can't wait for Lost, it is one of the few things I am not afraid of right now. "The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham" Wednesday night is so close, YEAH! Lost!!!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Who is Ruth Chase?

Ruth Chase, A.K.A. Ruth Shadle, Ruthie Tintary, Ruth Zimmer born in 1912, in Rockford, Illinois. Father and Mother deceased, younger brother Pete, believed to be deceased. Raised on a farm until 16, she then moves to the city and begins to read meticulously at the Chicago library and wait tables for money. She meets Adolf Zimmer while waiting on him when she is eighteen. He becomes a regular customer at her establishment for the next two years. One evening Ruth is reading at the library, on her way home she runs into Adolf and is invited to a Chicago Cubs baseball game.

She attends the game and the courtship of Ruth begins. Six months later, the Zim proposes to her and she accepts. The night before the wedding, a blind women approaches her with information she could never have been prepared for. The blind women, Ava, informs her that she is about to marry the most evil man ever created. That if she does marry him, she will have seven evil children, and two more two follow, the eighth baby will be of utmost importance, and the ninth from a different husband. If she does not marry him and have his children the world will ultimately be destroyed. If she runs away, she must hide forever, never to be found.

The blind woman tells her she will be safe if she stays and takes on the burden of monitoring the most evil family ever. Not believing the woman, and in love with Adolf, she humors the old blind women and accepts the ultimatum, though not really believing. Ruth is not able to shake the meeting with the woman and subsequently always has the thought in the back of her head of the day they met. She marries Adolf and soon finds the disturbing truth.

Ruth realizes to late; not that she would have done it any differently, that potentially Adolf is the evilest man on the Planet. She keeps her mouth shut and secretly observes all his actions. The night before the conception of her first child the blind woman that sees everything arrives again, and foretells her of her first child, the communication begins, and Ruth becomes the informant on the inside the House of Zimmer.

During the birth of every child, Ruth is able to see into the future and see what will become of each young. Her visions are so vivid she is able to put together plans to defeat each child. Unable to enact the plans herself because of her motherly love, she is still able to create the means to their ends, just in case it comes to that. Due to the all seeing power of Adolf, his organization, and the children, she is only able to conceive the plan in puzzle like pieces in a hope that one day, if necessary the right person would be able decipher the clues and put it together.

On the night of conception of the eighth baby, Ruth is again visited by Ava, who warns of the potential dangers of the eight child. That it would either become the worst of the group or the one that would lead to the fall of the family. After the birth of the eight child, Ruth disappears by staging her own death, fooling the Zimmers and Ava.

Years pass, Ruth remarries and has a one more child, Jo a feisty little girl with no blood ties to the Zimmers. Her hope that the eighth child would be the avenger is forgotten as she begins to believe he will follow in his unknown father's footsteps. The eighth baby, or Jonathon Pace, marries early, and on the night before the conception of his first child he is approached by Ava, who tells him everything about his lineage and that he could be evil, and that his son will most assuredly follow down his path. He goes on with his relationship and has a son David Chase, two years later after a disturbing encounter with an entity he cannot describe, Jonathon tells his wife Jennifer about what he knows. She subsequently leaves, she is also pregnant unknownst to either at the time.

As the years pass, Ruth begins to believe David the one to bring retribution to the family and potentially his own Father. Jonathon becomes savvy to her intentions and believes that she is trying to turn David against him. Ruth begins to train David unkownst to him, to figure out the puzzles she has left to bring down the Zimmers.

Grandma Ruth Chase Characteristics: Able to see into future events, but not on command, photographic memory, giving her the ability to recount everything from the visions. Paranoid, always looking out windows and in everybodies business, plays out like she is a nosey old person with to much time on her hands but in reality, she is always afraid that Adolf, or the children will find her. In her older age, she is overconfident in her assessment of situations and at times makes hasty judgements more predicated on feelings than solid information. Keeps secrets and hides things, has developed the attitude of playing games with everything, she is a trickster, and very comfortable in major acts of deception, she is close to a hundred but is remarkably fit and aware for her age, there is a reason but that has not been identified yet. Her life has been filled with difficult decisions and is not afraid to make the tough choice.

Friday, January 16, 2009

In Deep Love; And Great Appreciation

You really never get around to letting the people you know that you care. It really has become a lost art form that is greatly needed in this day and age, but more than not, most people tend to let you know what you are not doing right as opposed to what they are. Not today, today I will let them know that they are great. This is in appreciation of my coworkers/employees/friends that I am privileged enough to be around 5 days a week.

To Natalie, my right hand man/lady at work. Thanks for keeping all together and handling the things you know I am not going to do. You always are around when the shit hits the fan and I cannot tell you how much I appreciate that. You take a lot of stress away from me and are always ready to play the bad cop. So, thank you, this job would be a tremendously more tedious without you.

To T-Bone, who is the disher of the Sauce. The patients love you and so do I. I never worry when you are on the job. I know you are thinking about what's best for the store all the time. I can trust you with everything that I have and to find a person like that is a very lucky thing. You do your job as good as can be done. Thank you Bone, for making me feel secure.

Big Barry, always playing by the book and making sure the boat is always on course. Without your particular skill set, we would be like a ship with no Rutter, just floating along, no sense of direction and full of leaks the crew could not fix. I know the place is safe when you are there and I always know protection is your first priority. Thanks Barry, for being the bear in the cave.

Player man, oh Player, what would we do without you. Well to start we would have nobody to blame if something went wrong, you take the brunt of it and handle it with grace my friend. You are the creative spirit of the team, and forever making sure my little world is organized to the best of your ability. Thank you player, for handling the things only you can handle.

Lil' John, who used to be big John and then lost himself. You are a hard worker, you are always finding ways to help out and improve things with out me asking. You are stand up dude, in a world of wilting daisies (what!?). You are a great employee and turning out to be a great friend. Thank you John, for being persistent and protecting my shit, with everything in your ability.

The Big Man, as for guys I answer to, you are all right in my book. You try as hard as you can to get me what I need, and always have my back. You have adapted to new roles and give invaluable advice. None of it happens with out you. It's always great to know that when you are walking that high wire there is a net to catch me if I fall. Thanks for being my net.

Denise, you are the new kid on the block, and I appreciate your enthusiasm and the new energy you bring to the system. Your people skills are great and I know that you help a lot of people out. Keep up the good work. Thank you for doing a great job and following directions to a T.

Stretch, my newest ass kicker, what can I say about you, you are doing a fantastic job. You are always on time, always on top of the little things, great with the patients. Your skills are really utilized well in our environment and you are getting better by the day. Thanks for doing the things I would have to ask other people to do. Thank you for being my Gasol big man.

Kat, my momma, you got my back, you are a true soldier. Never worried about you, I know you got it all on lock down, I know you are always my eyes when I am not around. We are very lucky to have such a down person involved in our little group. Why would we ever need a Pit Bull when we got you. Thank you Kat, for making sure everyone stays in line when I am not around.

I would feel foolish if I did not thank one more person, just because I feel like she is the one who I appreciate most and If I am writing about thanking people, she has to be on the list every single time. Thank you my beautiful Wife, for just putting up with me, for supporting me, even when at times it slips my attention. Thanks for believing in me when few do and thanks for seeing my side of it, as skewed as it is most of the time. I would not be the man I am today without you. You are the most important piece of my puzzle, thanks for putting it together for me. I love you with all my heart, you are my best friend. Thank you for being there.

That's all folks!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Rude, Maybe... Yes!

I don't like to complain, but some times I take things a little too personally. And really, I am not trying to call anyone out, but this constantly irks me to no extent. I had gotten a present for this particular person a couple of years back. It had just come out and was super expensive, you know, how brand new technology is always over priced as soon as it comes out. I was very excited, it cost 600 bones, so to me it was a lot of money. I saved for like six months to get it. Even after the six hundred it was not the top of the line, it had less memory than the bad boy version, but I expected the receiver of this gift would probably not go through the memory(to this day he has not).

So, I gave it to him and he was really excited, he could do things he had never done before, and would show anybody who would sit down and let him show them, what it could do. Anytime said person has had one of these gifts in the past, he would complain about the same problems, no reception, couldn't do things with it when he wanted and so on. So initially, the first compliant was how I cheesed him out with the cheaper model, the 600 dollar cheaper model, that really just had less memory, which as stated before, he has still not used up. First of all, who does that? Who complains about a super expensive gift to the person that got it for you. Okay, I get it, but don't complain to the person who got it for you, that's just dumb and rude.

The next compliant came with the texting ability, he no likey the touch screen, goes off in his pocket, maybe he should lock the keyboard. "It always fucking goes off in my pocket! This thing sucks!" my phone goes off in my pocket and I don't have a touch screen. Again, I understand the compliant, just not to the person that got it for you, it's like complaining about your Ferrari, to a guy with a Pinto, and the guy with the Pinto, bought you the Ferrari, WHAT!?. Who does that? The complaints about the gift are the same complaints he has had about every other previous version of the gift, except this one is awesome, and I got it for him.

Finally, the veracity at which this dude screams about what a piece of shit his phone is down right rude and offensive. Really, who does that? I don't understand for one second why somebody would do that. Every other day, what a piece of shit, his 600 dollar gift is, it doesn't get reception, blah, blah, blah. It's the best one you can own, everybody has trouble with reception sometimes, hell, I don't get reception in my apartment. All this and he tried to get me the same gift, when I just bought myself a new one that I love. What? Really!? I know the whole post is confusing, but I am sure you have put the pieces together, that's the fun right.

Really nothing good about this one, I even feel a little foolish writing it, but it was on my mind, because for the umpteenth time yesterday, I heard what a piece of shit, the gift that he uses everyday for the last two years is.

Friday, January 9, 2009

99 boxes; One Night in Bucharest

David had only one choice, he would have to hide in the bushes, wait until nightfall and observe how people entered. He knew that his Aunt Jo was in there and his Grandmother's safety deposit box as well. David had some preconceived notions on what was going to happen, so he figured he better get prepared, better safe, than Vampire bait.

Nightfall hits and David watches the door from a distance with a pair of infrared goggles he had purchased from the Sci Fi channel. It was dark, but he had a sneaking suspicion that no one was coming until 11:25. And there it was, 11:25 on the dot and he could hear movement in the distance, but could see nothing through his lenses. Peculiar he thought and then removed his goggles, clear as day a six foot man walks to the door. Why was he not registering on the camera, of course, he was a Vampire, dead and cold blooded, thermal imaging was going to be useless in this circumstance, unless of course a Vampire was looking for David.

The man reaches for the keypad and sticks two fingers underneath. A green light flashes, something on the underbelly of the pad lights up, and the man moves the pad with his hand up to the height of his mouth. I knew it, David thought to himself. The man bites the pad and it scans his teeth. After a second, the man releases his chomp and the door opens. He swiftly moves through the large door with no handle and it quickly shuts behind him. What a security system, but one David had planned for, to a T-eeth.

David starts to play around with his neck a little bit, and then, suddenly, a loud HISS! "What the heck!" David swings around and an old woman pounces at him. She pins him down and brandishes her long teeth. "You wandered into the wrong place tonight sweetie." she whispered. David defenseless prepares for the bite. She grabs his neck and digs in.


David enters a large church in the center of Bucharest. He carries in a large back pack and looks around. He is hunting for something very specific. He stands out in the church, his headphones in, he pays no attention to the worship taking place. He nonchalantly walks through the pews, into and out of confessionals until he finds what he wants. Up near the front he spies his prize, a small tub/sink holding exactly what he is looking for, blessed water. David reaches into his back pack and pulls out a thin paper mache sleeve that appears to fit around his neck. He looks around cautiously and then dumps the neck sleeve into the water. He tries to look as inconspicuous as possible but that in itself begins to look increasingly obvious. A Priest walks towards David and that is his cue to exit. He pulls the sleeve from the tub and stuffs it in his backpack. As he walks by the Priest he tries to cross his chest and runs out.


The old women stumbles back away from David grasping her mouth. "What have you done to me!?" she screams. "Easy, what were you gonna do to me lady, try to make me into the undead, sorry if I don't feel guilty." David reaches for his neck, he feels what he was hoping would happen. "NOOOO!" the old lady turns to dust, only her tattered clothes remaining. David pulls out two Vampire teeth from his paper mached neck sleeve. The holy water had killed the Vampire, but the paper mached sleeve covered in crazy glue, had kept her teeth. Now, he had the key to get in.

Thursday, January 8, 2009


Stoned all the answers are gone
awake all the questions lost
never thought it would be so hard
never felt it all for nought

days go by and still the same
days go by and still no fame
if only I had tried
nothing would be the same

two sides of every story
just as boring as mine
and never enough time
and never enough

down, out, and along the same path
focused on the same, lame and inane
what does it matter
what does it care

into and out of life
asleep at the wheel, I steal, me
again and again and again
far from real and sadly mistaken

two more lies and all is forsaken
control is in my mind
control I must find, in a race
with everyone, and no one

steps to no more emptiness
turns in the wrong direction
def on all ears
who is listening?

99 boxes;1125 Izvor St, Bucharest, Romania

It had taken David and Aunt Jo two weeks to get to Bucharest, but finally they were there. The weather was cold, and a thick fog had rolled in earlier in the morning. The architecture of the Romanian capitol was everything they had imagined, old and Gothic. Everything considered, David was ready for a Vampire to pop out at any moment. It was late afternoon and the city was bustling, Aunt Jo indicated that 1125 Izvor was just around the block.

As they proceeded down the street, less and less people were seen. Strange, David thought to himself, remembering how populated and busy it had been just a block back. The two rounded the corner and there it was, 1125 Izvor, they could not believe there eyes.

A huge Gothic, cathedral loomed in front of them. The building appeared to be abandon from first glance, but upon further investigation, they realized it was a cleverly contrived disguise. Aunt Jo, clearly, wanted nothing to do with the place, but David pushes forward. He checks the address, it is 1125, no doubt about that. What in the world was his Grandmother doing here.

A huge oak door with no handle stood before them, the only thing that looked like a possibility to open the door was the oddest keypad David had ever seen. No keys and two holes, it even appeared as if the pad was attached to some sort of vertical slide track. Aunt Jo looked around, no one to be seen, no one. "We should go" Aunt Jo nervously states. David shakes his head and knocks on the door, a metallic ring echoes forever. Nothing, David knocks again, this time longer and louder.

"They won't hear you" a voice whispers, "the sleep all day". David turns around and notices a small vagrant child. "You speak English?" David moves close to the young boy. The boy's clothes are tattered but current, the outfit is very similar to what David is wearing. "Are you American?" Aunt Jo asks. "Yes" the mysterious child answers. David investigates the boy, circling him, he knows something is not right. "Where's your Mommy and Daddy?" Aunt Jo probes. The boy stares blankly at her, no answer. "What's your name, kid?" David curiously asks.

"Braylon Kings" he pauses "You should leave, please" the boy whimpers and then runs away. "WAIT! What do you know about this place?" David screams and then takes off after him. The boy darts around the back of the building, David, hot in pursuit. When he turns the corner the boy is gone. "What the frack?, Aunt Jo come over here!" David Screams, "Aunt Jo?" David goes back to the front. Aunt Jo is gone.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

What would you do?

I have been watching the preview for a television show called, What Would You D? For a few weeks now, and have slowly been simmering into a boil. Then, on Tuesday night, I watched the show for fifteen minutes, my show! I had the idea for this program five years ago with the same exact title, and told about a million people in Los Angeles. People, that could have done something with the idea. All of these people looked at me like I was a fool when I presented this idea to them and now, I see it on television, and it was everything that I had wanted to do. I wanted to put people in situations where they had to make a choice, do the right thing or stand idly by and watch unjust things happen. A social experiment per say, to see what society was made out of and a hope, that if enough people watched their fellow human beings act like assholes on television for the world to see, that it might incite change in a positive way. People I knew shunned this idea(not everyone, just people that could have done something), and I listened.

As I watched the program last night I was furious, not at the results of the show because they were awesome, and the show itself is exactly what an apathetic celebreality, TV addicted America needed. I was up in arms, that another one of my ideas was taken from me, verbatim, and put on TV. I know, I am all over the place, but the old emotions are running high today, last night was the straw that broke the Pepster's back(I know third person speak is annoying but roll with me.)

Again, I love the concept, beside the fact that it is totally mine. Force people out of fear of ridicule and embarrassment to do the right thing because we all know, left to there own devices, people will more than likely do nothing to help when the opportunity arises. Make them think, that if they don't do the right thing everyone will perceive they are a giant terd sandwichs. That would motivate people, if they thought we were watching and judging. I can tell you just from yesterday, I will never let a wrong happen in front of me again no matter what the circumstance.

One time, at band camp, kidding, but seriously, I was driving home from dinner and in the car in front of me, I saw this douche stain grab his lady's hair and begin to punch her repeatedly, in the face. I was infuriated and began honking my horn and making a scene. To make a long story short, he got out of the his car, spat on mine and started yelling at me and my friend. We proceeded to get out of the vehicle and kick his ass. As we were trying to show him what it felt like to be manhandled his woman jumped on my friends back and started to scratch his face. What? It made me think that I should mind my own business for a long time. But that show last night, reminded me that the cost of doing the right thing is some times high, but you must be willing to pay it to make things right. Really, what would you do?

Back to the business at hand. Again, this is not the first time that one of my ideas has come to fruition on an entertainment level. I do not talk to the right people or the right people are not giving me the amount of respect when I speak with them. I can no longer take watching my thoughts and ideas come about from somebody else. I am not saying people are stealing my ideas, I know and understand in the grander scheme of things, the collective consciousness floats the same idea around to many, but I always tap into it first. I am the person they market to, I know what the people want, what they need, but I cannot help myself.

What would you do? That's all that echoes through my psyche, what would you do? What will I do, will I do the same thing, have all these great stories and ideas and do nothing with them and then watch somebody run with it. I need somebody to listen, I need to force people to take me seriously. Where there is a will there is a way, and I promise in 09 I - Will - Find - That - Way!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

The Exchange

It was the end of a long day for M, she was already at her boiling point and her task at hand seemed as daunting as anything she could imagine. She reminded herself that this would only take a second and then she could be home, with her family. The late model Mercedes Coupe convertible slowly rolled into a parking spot. M's long blond hair covered most of her face, and her large sunglasses acting as a mask, as good as any she could wear. She observed her surroundings taking everything in, slowly, formulating escapes, just in case. Her gloved hands reach into her purse, calculatingly rummaging, carefully, she pulls an envelope from her bag. Written on it a capitol P.

The neighborhood is not a place that you would find M, but that's why she is there. She steps out of the car, walks to a meter and puts change into it, she doesn't want a ticket or to grab the wrong kind of attention. She is looking for specific notice. She waits, her impatience becoming obvious as she places another Tic Tac in her mouth. She begins to feel the stares of people walking by. She wonders how much longer.

A Town car pulls in behind her vehicle and parks. It must be P, time is of the essence. The driver does not move inside the vehicle, he waits for the right moment. M, continues to pace, acting as if she has not seen the vehicle or its passenger, but she has. She holds the envelope in her hand, purposely making it obvious to see, setting her trap, weaving her web.

The driver steps out of the vehicle, his suit cheap with a haircut to match. He takes one more look around and then reaches into his inside pocket and pulls out a pack of smokes. He lights a cigarette unaware of the second silent killer in his presence. He confirms to himself that she does not know of his presence and then makes his move towards her. She can feel him approaching her, she looks into the sky as if waiting for a signal, and then, turns around to confront the man in the cheap suit.

"I didn't think you would show up" he states. "Not much of choice, didn't want to go to traffic school" she softly shoots back. They walk to the front of the Mercedes, the Cheap Suit bends down and looks at the plates. "I guess they're on" he pulls out pen. "Do you have something for me to sign" he asks. In her mind she makes a decision, she does not hand him the envelope and reaches into her purse and pulls out a wadded up ticket.

"Here", the tension in her voice is noticeable. She hands him the crumpled up piece of pain and tosses another Tic Tac into her mouth. The man signs the ticket and then pauses, "this is not the vehicle from the ticket" she already knows. "It's not?" she coyly retorts. Now the Cheap Suit begins to get suspicious, but it is already too late. "I brought this for you" the women replies and with her gloved hand reaches out to hand him the envelope with the letter P on it. "What? What are you talking about. He grabs the envelope out of her hand. "Who the hell is P!"

"Why that's you of course" M replies. The Cheap Suit clutches his throat, the poison works quickly, he falls to his knees and looks into her glasses. "What, what have you done to me?" he weeps."Nothing you and your kind have not done to me ten times worse!" She pulls aside her glasses, her cold blue eyes staring at him as he gasps his last breath. "You should think about who you ticket more carefully next time Pig!" The man's eyes widen for the last time, he understands the P on the envelope, and for half a second she has made her point. He collapses, she moves to the man and drags him into the front seat of the Mercedes and closes the door.

"Have a nice day Officer" she walks away from the vehicle and reaches into her purse for her Tic Tacs. A button pops out of the side of the container, she is not nervous anymore. She presses the button and the cars explodes, destroying everything in the vicinity. So much for anxiety.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Anthony Bourdain Cool Dude

My man crush list is not short (don't want a short short man) but being that today is the premiere of Anthony Bourdains; No Reservations show on the Travel Channel, I thought maybe, I would pay a little homage to my favorite middle aged, Chef/Writer/Adventurer/Rebel/ all around pretty cool dude, who, I would totally hang with if the opportunity ever presented itself. That was a really, really long sentence, and this is not. I am not going to give you the generic Vons brand bio that I could just copy and paste on to this page, but I will give you a bio Mr Peppers style, so enjoy, or don't.

I stumbled upon Tony about a year and a half ago while surfing through the channels on the endless list of options provided by my satellite company. At first glance, Tony is no supermodel, but he does not ever profess to be. He seems to be a man very comfortable in his own skin and that is very refreshing. As I began to watch more and more, this become more and more apparent. He will go anywhere, with anyone, at anytime and some how manage to put his best foot forward. I know it's television and that is his job, but he really has something noticeably genuine about him. You know when someone is trying to be cool so hard, and then he is not, and he is a total poser. This is not Anthony Bourdain, he is himself at all times, the good the bad and the ugly of it. He expresses himself honestly and you can tell. He is the guy not trying to be cool, that is, and it's nice to see in a world full of people who are phonies.

What little I know about him, I have picked up through the episodes I have viewed, that is not to say that there is not a litany of other information out there about him, I mean, I know there is, but again, that's not what I am going to write about. I know he is writer and a very introspective person at that. There are times in the show when he is monologuing about a place or an experience, that only a true wordsmith could come up with. His insight into his experience is revealing, and truthful, compassionate and spot on, pretty much all of the time. He also has an incredible ability to blend in, when he so obviously is the sore thumb in the crowd.

I know he is a Chef, of what restaurant I don't know, I am sure I could find out, but, it really is not relevant to the opinion I am spewing out, so you look it up. He will eat anything, and smile and be cordial while doing so. He has partied and I mean tore it up, so, I find that honest and relatable, he never seems to shy away from his past, which makes me trust his opinion even more. He is also very skinny, smokes, drinks, eats, smokes and then drinks some more. Tony doesn't seem to fear much and always is up for an adventure, his show, fun, eye opening and thought provoking. I'm sure that's exactly what Mr. Bourdain intended it to be.

The thing I like most about Anthony Bourdian is that he gets it, and so few people roaming the earth do. Again, I am probably beating a dead horse a this point, but I am always impressed by his thoughts and understanding of different cultures, his view of the world through his own rose tinted glasses and his true veracity of the moment. He is truly an enlightened individual who has gotten that way by living and enjoying life. Cheers Anthony Bourdain, you are one cool dude.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

My Call of Duty

This sounds like a title to a Scrubs episode (new season starts Tuesday on channel 7 at nine, F.Y.I.), but alas it is not, it is a description of life in the trenches on the beaches of Makin island.

I had awoke inside a Japanese bamboo hut, alone and disoriented. It was cold and dark, and I heard the waves crashing on the shore, the natural explosions of Mother Earth foreshadowing the mass chaos that was about to ensue. I raised my head to check my surroundings, deceptively motionless, never a good sign. Sudden gunfire echoed in the distance and my anxiety level jumped up, the realization I was not alone. My palms sweating as I reloaded my machine gun, everything in my body told me to run, but my mind was in total control, I waited, patiently pondering my next plan of action.

I gathered my thoughts and remembered, I must get to the extraction point, I must make my way back to Pelilu Island. Suddenly, I saw a man dart out of the overgrowth and make a run at a wooden bridge leading to an elevated hut about 300 yards away. CRACK! The man fell to his feet, his head blown in half, his body twitching, now just another worthless statistic. Another soldier emerged from the water, the obvious benefactor of the previous mans demise. I realized at that moment, to get were I needed to go, I was going to have to kill, everyone I saw.

Slowly, I waded through the water, watching men, running and killing, no remorse, no conscience. The water was ice cold, my shivering uncontrollable at this point, shooting from this vantage would be a wasted effort. I spotted a soldier making his way up the ladder leading to my haven. Now occupied, my plans for an easy ascent into the hut are now in need of adjustment. The barrel of his rifle peered out one of the northern window. If I were to make my way up the ladder, my foe would surely be aware of my presence, my options were fleeting, my inventory of death low.

Wet, tired, my pulse raced, I had made my way to the south side of the hut. Crack! Crack! An onslaught of fury sprayed out of the window. The soldier above, paranoid, waiting impatiently for death to take him. I had one chance, I would pull the pin on my grenade and hold it for 5 seconds or cooking it as we used to call it. I would have one chance to hurl it through the south window, the longer I held it, the less time my opponent would have to react and hide or pick it up and throw it back. One, two, three, four, five and I threw it with all I had. Clank, it landed right in the hut and then a SCREAM and an explosion, an arm hurled out of the window and into the water, a horrible sight but better him than me.

I climbed out of the water and hustled up the ladder, I had reached a breathing point. The hut still reeking of gun powder, was covered in blood, brain and body parts. I kept myself from vomiting as I rearranged the room on the fly. There was no telling how many were out there, but I wasn't getting out till they had all left this earth. I ransacked the hut and found a locater for an ariel strike, what luck. I inputted my cordinance and pressed the button. Fire from the sky would be arriving shortly, I had only hoped it would be soon enough.

The sounds of the attack could be heard before they arrived, like thunder signaling a lightning strike. BANG! Explosions and screams were all I could decipher in the moment of madness. If they didn't know something was amiss, they did then. I could hear barks in the distance, the had released the hounds. I wasn't going to make it to my destination with those animals roaming, I had few choices. I decided to go to the window and picked of as many foes as I could before my final descent into the jungle.

I knew the remaining forces would key in on my position, I would have to set up a booby or Betty trap for anybody that was feeling frisky. I planted the Bouncing Betty in the ground directly in front of the ladder. If some one were to come up, the grenade would bounce into the air and shred whatever came through. There might of been a chance that the device would shred me, but being on my own, that was the chance I had to take. I placed myself in the window again and started my assault on the attack dogs released to eat me.

BOOM! The Betty went off and sent me flying against the wall. Someone had tried to come up, bad idea. Covered in blood, my ears ringing, my mind, lost, I gathered myself and got to my feet. The remnants of what looked to be a human being adorned the ladder like a Christmas tree from hell. I had killed 18 men that night, so far, dispatched a dozen dogs, and it was time to make my move into the jungle. I descended down the organ soaked ladder and looked toward the jungle. Maybe I would get out of this alive.

CRACK! 18-1

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Sick Body, Healthy Mind

There is something about a well timed sickness that really gets my psyched. The timing could not be better for me personally, the beginning of the new year. I know this sounds weird but, it really is all I could have asked for. There are a plethora of reasons why I wanted to catch this cold, GOTCHA COLD! The sickness itself is a reminder to take a step back, analyze, and begin the process of truly taking care of yourself.

When my body breaks down, I stop everything I do bad to it, and focus on resuscitating it. This, in a combination with a new attitude, starts me on the road to helping my body with the proper care. Less food, more water, more vitamins, and substantial amount of time with guiltless rest. I have a tendency to be a wee bit lazy, but I beat myself up about it, which, does not rest my soul. Knowing I am not physically strong enough to do things, eases my mind quite a bit.

I also am vice intensive most of the time, this is not good because, in the reality of my life, moderation on every level is key. I like to do what I like to do, and when I find that thing, I am doing it, good or bad. When I am congested I hate smoking, which normally I love. I really don't have a negative opinion about smoking but anything you do everyday is not good, unless it is working out, sex or gaming, but really, you need to rest your body, your penis or vagina, and your eyes, so ultimately even the greatest things are not good all the time. So, I take the first half of that sentence back. I would say writing everyday is the only thing good everyday, but, I like many, have suffered burnout and writers block from constant pondering of what to put down next.

I really think you can have a sick body and healthy mind, and that's where I am at right now. On track and ready to go. Hopefully when my body heals my mind will not get sick, because that is what usually happens. I try to remember the past but not let it cause automatic assumptions in my thinking, because the auto assump would be, my mind will get sick again shortly after the return of my body. I never go into anything with the thought that I may fail, even if I have a million times before. You just never know if this is going to be the time it sticks, and if you feel like you don't have a chance, let me tell you something, you don't have a chance. Let's all hope new habits stick.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Fridays Furious Five; Religion, The Wrestler, Favre, Twilight Zone, USC

It's a new idea, I am going to try it out and see how it feels. Five topics that resonated through my brain the last 24 hours.

Brett Favre, I love you man, but maybe your time has come. I thought the change of venue would turn back the clock, but it looks like it could not. Several reports are coming out that Brett the Jet was not the best teammate on the planet. He apparently did not hang out with his peeps and spent most of his practice time in a private office at the Jets facility. I had heard the rumors that he was distant in Green Bay but, again, I had hoped a change and a little bit of revenge would change his perspective on what he needed to do to be a capable leader. I guess revenge is not enough, you have to have love to make you great, and I think Brett lost that when Green Bay didn't want to deal with his (and this pains me to say) me first mentality. He deserves special treatment but he had come to expect it and that's not right. It's strange how your opinion of a person shapes what type of fan you are. When Kobe wanted a trade, I was like, get rid of him, it's all about the name on the front of the jersey not the back. When the Favre situation went down, I was like, how can you do this to Favre, with no regard to the Packers. Heroes come and go but the teams remain the same. I won't make that mistake again, I love you Brett but it may be time to hang um up.

I was watching the Seven Deadly Sins on the History Channel last night and religion is crazy. Wow, is really all I can say. The poop that people believe and latch on to, is truly amazing. I want to believe so bad in religion, I cannot even tell you. I want to be in the Army of the Almighty Lord and fight the endless demonic hordes of the Antichrist, but it's not gonna happen. I also want to be strong in the force and maybe one day face off against Lord Vader, but that is not going to happen either. I want to participate in the Dungeons and Dragons of life but alas, I cannot.

The Wrestler is the best movie I have seen this year, hands down, better than The Dark Knight (that was also difficult to say). I don't know if it was the period of time in which the movie covered; 1980's thru present, or the subject, pro wrestling or the broken man story, but something stuck and hurt. The director, Darren Aronofsky is really something special. He is able to make the bleak and horrible artistically palpable. All of his films stick with me and The Wrestler is no different. Really it's an amazing piece of work, makes me feel like my material is rudimentary in comparison.

New Years day Twilight Zone, AWESOME! I can't believe how relevant every episode still is. I also cannot believe how many movies were created out of the Zones catalogue. I watched about 15 and they were all great. It reminds me of a simpler time when my Dad and I used to watch and the world was in black and white. "I Sing the Body Electric", one of my favorite episodes ever, it's about a family that loses their mother and to fill the void go to a company to build them their perfect Grandmother. Very compelling and maybe, a little look into the future, through the eyes of the Twilight Zone!

Lastly, I don't watch a lot of college football, but I will watch USC if they are on at the right time. I watched them last night and I tell ya, they are GOOD! Really good! They kicked the crap out of Penn State, and they looked good doing it. Unfortunately the only thing I could think about was, why no play-off? I though about how exciting a college football play-off would be and when I realized no matter how much I thought about it, it wasn't going to happen. I got so disgusted I could watch no longer. Every major sporting organization has a play-off system except, college football. What a waste, when really at the end of it all, you have no idea who the best team is. I got two words for you Obama, "FIX IT!"

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Writers Write

A good friend and a mentor of mine that passed away this year used to say to me, "Pep, writers write, and that's all there is to it." I have always known this to be the truth but have gone through fazes in my life where I have not been a writer. The last two and a half years I have been on a self imposed hiatus from my dream for many reasons. I opened up three shops in the last couple of years and not to make excuse but they have definitely taken their creative toll on me. Secondly, before the break, I had also taken quite a few writing hits to my ego. I had enrolled in a writing course that totally reworked my writing style and to be honest, overwhelmed me looking back. They threw so many concepts at me it was hard to assimilate the new techniques into my system. Out of old and bad habits, my previous writing style tried to fend of the new skills, like a body rejecting a donor organ, and in doing so brought me to a stand still. Again, they sound like excuses and to an extent they are, you can't get around it, it is what it is.

On top of that, I know, here it comes, vicious, excuse number three, and actually the catalyst for my entry into the writing course was my agent. I was very excited about writing my first script for my representaion, very excited and to say the least, I fucked it up. I wasn't clear with the process, I rushed, I was so to excited, I couldn't temper my enthusiasm and in that sense delivered a rather muddled and unrefined piece of material. It was so bad my agent didn't even want to talk about. I had built up a lot around that piece of work and to hear it wasn't even good enough to comment on was, how do you say, heartbreaking. The whole circumstance was eye opening and crushing all at the same time. I had come to realize what I was doing was just the tip of the iceberg and nobody was going to let me slide with half ass work.

They say what makes a true winner and a real champion is how well you deal with adversity and to tell you what, lately I have not been acting like one. I think I lost a little confidence in the process but I never stopped thinking about my stories. I would like to think that the years have actually made me better as a writer, but there is no way to know if that's true until I start to write. I have always been a big concept guy. Always able to come up with the levels of a story, the intricate plot points of a script, but at times were either to scared to add the human drama or incapable of translation. I think after living the emotional drama of defeat that that will add to the depth of my work. It sounds good in theory.

This year I will bounce back, gone are the times of feeling sorry myself. The only thing to do is write. Writers write, writers write and practice makes perfect. I want to thank my wife for writing everyday for the last year and showing me what writers do. I had forgotten and appreciate the reminder. Writers write, and I cannot forget that, and I do not believe I ever will again. From this day on there will not be a day when I do not do, what it is I was meant to do. The only way to survive is change, the only way to succeed is through persistence, dedication and hard work and nothing, and I mean nothing, that you want, ever come easy or without a fight. Everybody gets knocked down, you are judged on if you can get up. I can get up, I thought I couldn't for a while but that is never the case. I am a writer and I WRITE!