Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Meter MAIDEN!

Initially I figured I would not complain in this blog, that apparently is not going to happen. I am overjoyed that I made it as long as my second post -- so here it goes. In the last week I have received two parking tickets and three over the course of the last four months. This is ridiculous considering they were about the bunkis ass tickets I have ever received. The did in fact have three things in common; an awesome red car, some super ticky tac shit and the most important a trio of overzealous Meter Maidens!

Addressing the first fact -- the awesome red car. I have been driving the Pep Rex approximately four months, that is how long I have been trying to sell it as well. I know people peep when I'm driving my 93 blood red Mazda Rx-7 around town but seriously why all the haters -- the car is not that cool. It attracts cops and meter maids like junkies to crack. It seems to emanate a beacon to assholes everywhere "look at me" and ding my door or chip my paint or give me an unnecessary ticket.

Secondly, on all occasions I totally could have been given a pass on these tickets. I swear -- and I know it is hard to believe but these tickets were all up for interpretation and like a first year art student these jerks had no idea what they were looking at. One the time had expired for 5 minutes on Christmas Eve, the Grinch was just waiting staring at my car and as soon as the five minute mark hit BAM! Right as I was walking out. The second some vandal had bent the no parking sign all the way down to the ground so no one could see it -- except of course for the eagle eyed parking jockey (I was actually going to fight it but did not want to waste the time) and finally today my bumper was in a foot literally one shoe length in the red zone and Barney Fyfe wrote me a ticket.

Thirdly and most importantly the Meter Maids themselves. Normally I stick up for people in jobs that take a lot of criticism. I am not a jump on and attack type person but it has gone to far. Each one of these individuals were not just doing there job. They were being assholes -- who even goes and applies for that job. Let's see what do I want to do for a living, oh yeah I would like to be a professional snitch in a tiny car and bad uniform. I think growing up that is what I told grandma I wanted to be. I confronted the last meter maid and all he could say was "a foot is a foot" up yours meter dilhole I'd like to stick my foot is a foot straight up your rectum!

Look there is only one thing to do. Any time you see one of these douche stains you must thwart them. Put change in the meter and run, look out for your fellow citizen if he or she parks poorly let them know. Don't let them fall victim to these vultures. The next time I see one I am just gonna start making a scene (very mature I know but I'm hurt -- I'm hurt).

I am an excellent driver and do all I can to obey the rules, I used to drive professionally (international smuggler), I have never been in an accident and have only received to traffic violations in college. I actually go out of my way to obey all the lame laws but watch what happens when start to abuse the good one -- Vive la Revolution. End Meter MAID tyranny once and for all. The next time you see and injustice stand up and be an obnoxious asshole trust me they deserve it and don't forget to call your Grandma.