Monday, March 31, 2008

Inspiration Comes in Weird Packages

I had imagined the event that with inspire my creativity would by a bit more -- I don't know, symbolic to me personally. I have had this space for a couple of months now and have been neglecting it like a fat man to a work out. My wife created it for me in an effort to jump start my creativity -- which has been on hiatus for the last 18 months -- to this day it had not worked.

When my boy Brett Favre retired I thought it was time, when the Lakers went on the big winning streak I thought it was the time, when I turned 32 I was almost positive it was the time, but none of them right. It is a weird thing when inspiration comes wrapped up in death. Life is strange and inconceivable most of the time but every once in a while it's slips in a little spot of clarity in which you may peer through and look into the future.

I feel as though Scotty has created my portal of awareness with his untimely passing. He was crazy and the wildest dude I had ever met -- maybe sometimes. I know how my friend died and it is sad. He overdosed on a Ledger of pills, now I don't know this as fact -- but I do. He was loaded a lot, noticeably most of the time. I know what it is like to want to escape -- I have been loaded with him on many occasion, I thought he was living on borrowed time. I didn't realize his ticket was coming up so soon. It makes you ponder your own reality, your own choices, and ultimately your own decisions. Everything is a window into yourself, you can look through and see the world or you can close the blinds and pretend nothing is out there. I wonder if Scotty had decided there was nothing out there anymore.

I want to say that this occurrence will change my life -- but it probably won't. I want to say that his death changed my view and my choices but it didn't. It's not that I don't care -- I just don't know if life has the impact anymore to invoke those type of changes.

I will say this though.
You have inspired me with your weird little gift my friend, and I hope wherever you are now, you're pinching sacks and telling horrible sex stories that nobody wants to hear. It was good knowing you Duper --- R.I.P.