Thursday, September 11, 2008

Chicken Worm? or Mmm Mmm Good!

I am easily influenced by commercials, I am obviously not the only one but... easily swayed by a good campaign. In Jr. High I ate Butterfinger and drank Minute Maid Orange soda because I had mad respect for Atlanta Hawk super forward Dominique Wilkens and Bart Simpson. Back to the subject at hand, commercials, there god like power over me, and KFC.

The chicken is how do I put it, intoxicating, at least the smell and the skin. That's what I think of when I see the commercial the smell... the original recipe skin... I have been trained much like a dog to have a response when the image is presented. Well at least I have identified the cause and the affect of the situation but I can't readily be aware psychically that a KFC add will be presenting itself in 30 seconds and by the time the color scheme, voice, imagery are being processed by my EYES! it's too late, so truly resistance is futile.

So, I was hunting for a KFC by my work, I actually drove out of my way to search for a location so I knew where to go directly when the ideal time presented itself, luckily I found one just a mile out of the way, SCORE! Planning my attack, I swooped into work, gathered an appetite, coerced a co-worker into my mystery lunch I had planned for him and left on my way to KFC. I specifically wanted the boneless original recipe chicken tenders that I have been seeing the commercials for. These commercials only confirm my theory... well not my theory but a high school friend Blin's theory that KFC has created a genetically perfect creature known as a ChickenWorm.

ChickenWorm, created for the sole purpose of KFC and it's loyal following of almost obese to morbidly obese patrons (unfortunately I probably fall into one of those categories). The stories that I have heard of this mythical creature is that it's fifteen feet long with no beak, talons or feathers, it has one head and 15 pairs of breasts and legs. I also hear that they grow that delicious skin on the ChickenWorm pre-engineered with the 11 secret herbs and spices. That's why it's so addictive! and THAT'S why those damn commercials make me drool!

Frankly I don't care what I eat as long as it smells and tastes good. If you could dip Solient Green (SPOILER ALERT: SOLIENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!) in ranch it would probably taste good and I would eat it, don't go down in a plane with me. My only guilt with eating everything is it's affect on the environment and I get past it. Sure if I think about it, I would probably say humans are and should be vegetarians, Gorillas are vege's and they are some strong mothereffers! But at this point I'm on the shit and any sort of logical guilt associated with my veracious appetite for this crap is long gone.

Talky, talky, talky... apparently full of my own words today so I will wrap this up. I have eaten The Original Recipe Boneless Chicken Strips and they are like the first episode of Fringe C+, but unlike Fringe I see little room for improvement on this product. You know I had wished this day for many a year "why don't they make chicken strips with KFC original recipe? that would be delightful!". I think I hyped it to much in my head, really never giving the product a chance in Hell to steal my heart. Oh well till' the next awesome product (CHICKEN BOWL!) peace out!

1 comment: Maegan said...

chicken worm is get this out of your head; if you ever want to eat KFC, you will do it without me ...and mostly you do ....but you will NEVER...and I mean never...subject our children to it? good

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