Saturday, June 21, 2008

Anti Monkey Butt Powder?

This is just a little fun thing I saw on TV the other day. When I saw the commercial I thought it was fake, I swear. I kept waiting for some Old Spice can to fall from the sky or a Geico Gecko to come running up but they never did. Even as the spot ended I waited for an SNL promo something to not make me feel like someone had dosed me with a substantial amount of acid... still nothing. I promptly got my lazy ass up and found a post it so I could properly remember this for a later date. All night I walked by the post it and pondered what the hell could Anti Monkey Butt Powder be? I tried over and over again but it made no sense just like that glove and O.J.. I went to sleep that night, the mystery still fresh in my head along with who are the final two members of the Oceanic Six (I know months behind what can I do).

I arose from my slumber with one thing on my mind -- Anti Monkey Butt Powder! The reason for only one thing on my and not two was, In my dreams I found out who were the two remaining of the Oceanic Six. Me and my wife so obviously a less pressing mystery. I ate my breakfast, brushed my teeth, elevated my consciousness and began playing MGS4 but something was whispering in the back of my head. Monkey Butt, Monkey Butt scratch your thoughts Monkey Butt. Disturbing perhaps, bothersome maybe, but ultimately the call to adventure is what I interpreted it as and so to the Bat Cave Robin or the upstairs office whatever came first.

Hello friend Google warp speed and there I was http://www.antimonkeybutt.com/whatisamb.html. You should take a tour it is bound to make you smile if you are 12 which is the low end of my internal comedic target demographic age, I would say I fall somewhere in between 7 to 21. Kicks to the groin, flatulence, double entendre names, and straight forward names that are humorous are all high on the Pepsters scale. I don't want to give away the ending so really check out the website and if it's right for you please take it as a gift from me to you and get some. Enjoy because nobody wants to walk around with Monkey Butt, not even monkeys.


Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Opposite day ; The Heat Makes Me Crazy!


After yesterdays heartfelt appreciation the heat has flipped my switch and I believe it is pointed in the direction of what irks me to no end. Let me make a list for everyone to see.

1. Bush supporters who are now flag burning liberals. Exactly! Before the last couple of years I have been noticing quite a few people jumping of the Bush bandwagon and trying to align their political views with mine. I am not having it, if you were a Bush supporter 8 years ago you were a douche then and you are still a douche now regardless of what side of the fence you are on. Except of course if you are a douche that supported Bush back then, the same douche supporting Bush now, and the future douche that will support McCain, I tip my hat to you... at least you are consistent.

2. Wannabees who criticize shit they could never do. I at times fall into this category as I will right now. Kobe Bryant sucks blah blah blah blah blah. I wannabe an NBA player for that matter any sort of professional athlete, so what do I do criticize something that I could never possibly do. I can't hit a 16 foot fade away jumper with a 7 foot tall defender closing in on me but when Kobe doesn't make it I have all the advice in the world for him. I am not into the I could do it better if I try, well then stop yapping and do it if not shut up and continue to live in your fantasy world in silence. People that can do don't sit around and watch other people that's for people who don't.

3. Don't tell me what to do with my animal if you don't have an animal, furthermore if you have one animal right this moment for the first time keep watching the Dog Whisperer and shut up. I promise I don't need the advice from a first time parent, spare me.

4. People that have never been in shape telling me how to work out or eat, work on yourself, I'll listen when you are rocking Gerard Butler's body from 300 until then shove another Twinkle in your mouth.

5. Heat, who the hell can I blame for this one, no one really but all those people that are like "it's not that hot you should try down south". You try down south, deep down south.

6. People that think god punishes the sinners like gays, and Jews and other races that do not conform to their archaic way of thinking. Gay marriage in California all good floods in Iowa all bad must be some serious sinners in those mid American red states. Where are all the priest and ministers now talking about how much Iowa has sinned. Maybe god is gay.

7. Keeping with the trend, people that credit god with all the good and none of the bad. Hooray God! How do I get on that program maybe Mr. Cruise can help me.

8. Book smart jack asses that are usually the smartest dumb people I know. knowledge in a book is not practical experience with life. Well, I read that this happens when this happens, alright terdwich but I am telling you I have seen it happen and participated in the happening that little bit of info may be a tad bit more relevant.

9. Free advice and the one upper. I am not asking so save it and I don't care if you know of a better place, a bigger slice of pizza, a cheaper place to buy my books, the most reliable hit man. I promise 90 percent of the time I don't ask but 100 percent of the time I get some awesome free advice that I do not want. I got this so and so for 9 dollars oh really I know where to get for 8. Thanks... for nothing! I just got back from vacation, oh really I just got back from a better one.

10. Assholes that blog about there problems with everything and everybody, LIKE ME!

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Thank You Evil Mrs Peppers


This will be reoccurring column on this blog, it is my appreciation letter to the people I am thankful to have in my life. I have read and been told by many people that one of the best types of personal therapy is to write down what you are thankful for and to show appreciation on an everyday basis if possible. I figure I will start out with once a week and if it grows from there maybe more -- it all depends on how the experiment is working for me... because it ultimately boils down to me.

Thank you Maegan Tintari for being my best friend, my favorite confidant, my go to girl, my computer guru, the only sounding board I listen to. Thank you for hanging out with me, for making me crepes, for laughing at my jokes, for being the teammate I could not win without. Thank you baby for falling asleep on the couch, obsessing about Lost and making this most kick ass blog.

I appreciate all you do, from cleaning up after me when I am messy which is probably all of the time to helping make us financially more stable. I appreciate your honesty (not always at first but always in the end) and your ability to challenge me on every level; spiritually, politically, philosophically and even sometimes physically. I definitely appreciate how hot you are and that you always know what to do (you know what I'm talking about).

Thank you for making me see the other side of the coin and realizing that it takes me a little longer than most (of course when I get it watch out) to get it. Thank you for my wonderful new family and exciting new life. Thank you for helping me out whenever you can for whatever I need.

I appreciate nights of Rock Band and Laker games. I appreciate Taco night and afternoon delight (it rhymed I had to). I appreciate you listening to my crazy imagination and war stories of battles that I have sweated through on the X-box. I appreciate Evil Mrs Peppers and pink controllers.

Thank you for loving me and marrying me for that matter. Thank you for being in my life and for giving me the feeling that I am never alone. I would be lost on an island without you. I Love you so much. Thank you for your love, friendship and loyalty. You are everything to me. Thank You for my amazing life.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

NBA2K8 What a Season


It has been a long but rewarding season and one I shall not soon forget.  I trained hard and fought hard, went through some early season bumps against my persistent competitor but all and all another season of dominance for Evil Mr Peppers.  It is always surprising how far basketball has come as a game and franchise for the home gaming industry. Sports gaming on a competition level has always been a football thing for me and my friends, but the 2k series of hoops has closed the gap considerably over the last four or five years.
As I used Chris Paul last night(33 points 22 assists 5 steals and 3 boards) against my proverbial punching bag Mr. Lane, I gained full appreciation of the game on what potentially could be the last game of our season. You see we play basketball against each other from opening night to the last game of the finals. As the NBA season goes I go. When they stop, I stop so needless to say I was leaving it all on the court last night. Jamie put up a good fight like always but as usual, not enough to stop the P-train for steam rolling him yet again. I know he is looking forward to college football season and so am I. There is a glimmer of a chance that are season will be extended this evening if my Lakers can hang on tonight, I mean when my Lakers hang on tonight.
Realistically though the season is done since I will not be meeting up with my chief rival before next Saturday.
Back to the game at hand, after a another full season of 2k hoops it is my personal impression that they have again solidified themselves as the premiere basketball game on the market. It is an impressive game visually always blurring the line of real and digital scenarios.  The game play is consistently tight with only a few animation bugs but no game is perfect. If I had suggestions more stats for head to had competition, more tournament options for home play against friends, and a more in depth halftime and postgame show. I really enjoyed the lead pass from two years ago I always questioned that move, they should bring it back. Also crowd interaction at some arenas in the game off the chain other arenas pretty lame.  That beings said a great game and am looking forward to next seasons 2k offering even if KG is gracing the cover.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Kojima!


This is going to go under "judging a book by it's cover and the first four pages" type of review.  I just put in Metal Gear Solid 4 for the PS3 and let's just say I am fairly blown away.  I have not played this game for more than 25 minutes but everything up to that point has been masterful.  The only thought in my head is Kojima... Hideo Kojima that is.  When I was a kid I dreamed of games that would one day rival movies, in there character complexity, creativity and cinematography.  Kojima has bridged the gap with MGS4 his producing and directing skills are unmatched in his median.  As much as Grand Theft Auto 4 is an achievement Metal Gear is something different.

The opening screen is of Snake the hero standing alone in a grave yard.  First off the music is dark and seductive with a twist of sadness which immediately evokes emotion into the game/story.  The visuals strong and symbolic the skills of a genius director already evident, a master of his craft constructing the mood and tempo of his carefully manipulated epic he prepares to drop you into.  The camera Fincheresque pans from the back and swoops low across the graves to center in on the old soldier in his suit the pain of accelerated years worn on his face.  He pulls out his gun and loads a single bullet before falling to his knees.  We pan up  and the adventure begins.
The game starts and you are assaulted with dream like visuals from Kojimas imagination. Random commercials with real actors and graphical overlays seep into your vision, almost haunting your sense with surreal imagery and off the wall concepts. Where am I, is what you feel, soon followed by "I am ready for my ticket sir".

After a wild television show that you must see for yourself to do it justice you are thrust into his world.  Somber music underlays our hero's monologue as he speaks about the themes that we are about to experience; control, greed, the lack of respect for life, and the never ending circle of tyranny under the guise of freedom.  The credits fade on and off the screen with the precision of a great film.  The shots beautiful, each moment like a masterpiece of digital artistry and then seamlessly you start your mission.
Hurray Kojima! You are an artist of the new millenia.  And Hooray Metal Gear Solid 4 a game totally worthy of the hype.  I think... at least by the cover and the first few pages.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Keep it on the L.O. Down.


Great victory for the Lakers last night all though they are making it hard to watch. This series has been dominated by the Celtics. In each of the first three games the Lakers have been unable to break a hundred points -- this is not Laker basketball and if this trend continues they will surely lose the series. Kobe is greatness and every night he is bringing it, his court intelligence unparalleled but he cannot do it alone. Sasha, great last night, not backing down and providing the fire the team needed but again if two huge components do not step up, we(Laker fans) will be relegated to -- at least we got to the finals.
I love Kobester, but I am a Pau - L. O. guy. These guys must be aggressive. Odom you got to take it to the rim hard, repeatedly even if you miss. You got to go hard, with power and purpose, your skill set is to good to be a non factor. It's like the guys forgot how to throw it down -- they must focus and especially L.O.
Now onto Pau, if I have to watch Kendrick Perkins scream and shout one more time, I am going to punch Gasol -- in the face -- with aggression, so he knows what it looks like. Pau, you can abuse these fools, you need to throw them down to the ground and stop acting like a finesse player. Throw those fools down. Garnett scares me too, but it's time to slay the dragon by putting him on his ass. The Lakes can win this series and the will -- but Pau and L.O. got to bring the thunder or it's not going to happen. L.A. is not soft and we have to start acting like it. Go Lakers!

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Bored to Blog (Lakers in 7)


This was totally going to be a Lakers blog and about three sentences into it I got really bored, and pressed delete... for a while. I needed to write something and for lack of an inspiring topic, I thought Lakers in 7! That's about what I got Lakers in 7. Now that is some creative poo right there, seriously I should be able to talk about this series all day, but I won't. Instead am going to write about the fact that i don't feel like writing about that. I'm not sure at this point that this topic is much better, but it is filling up more space. Most days i have something that is really burning my crotch ( obviously I should edit that last sentence but for the humor it stays.) and I need to verbally scratch it but not today. I mean, I do have things but just not enough energy. normally I would like to keep to consistent themes for this blog like... who am I kidding there will never be much consistency attached to this writing only a small glimmering hope that I may entertain some laptop jockey enough to make them giggle. Or not. The noises surrounding my cage are interesting today the Bare is grumbling (not a mistake it's my Bare) louder then usual it's his Monday so it's understandable. I am leaving now or soon must escape my boredom.